
A six-pack
Romantic
Provide for me
Their responses made me laugh so hard. They reminded me of my friends at school; listening as they spoke in loud voices over one another. Surrounded by these young women in their maroon coloured skirts and white shirts I saw myself and the lifelong friends I laughed with all those years ago at the exact same spot.
Every one of them was an Efosa, Ibukun, Omawunmi; a Kaine, Nengi and a Yemisi.
A return to my alma mater FGGC Abuloma was always going to be an experience fraught with mixed emotions – the last time I set foot on its premises was over 20 years ago. I hadn’t missed it in all those years.
As I travel around the country with Invisible Borders, I have been carrying out interviews with men of different ages and from different ethnic and religious backgrounds. From barristers in Enugu to youth corpers in Umuahia I have been putting questions about my research topic “Stereotypes of masculinity” to these different groups of men as I photograph them.
I knew early in the trip what I wanted to do when we arrived in Port Harcourt – I wanted to pose the same questions to the students at the notoriously feisty Federal Government Girls’ College, Abuloma.
When I arrived with my fellow IB participants, I could tell instantly that the SS3 students who we were introduced to felt uneasy about us; we were after all strangers. This quickly changed when I introduced myself as a photographer and an alumnus and said I wanted to talk to them about boys! About 20 excited girls, who had such strong views about what it means to be a man, quickly pulled me away to sit under a tree to tell me more.
After their initial responses of a list of important physical attributes, they moved on to the personality traits that make a man
Tall.
Noooo ohh not too tall.
Sexy.
Ah ahnn, na sexy we go chop?
Pink lips. (Me: Huhn?)
Yessssssssss ohhh, ah aunty.
He must know what I want before I even ask.
My husband should be the type that even if I shout he should be quiet.
If I travel now, like you aunty, my husband should be able to look after the children alone.
Women have more needs, like fixing our hair, buying clothes, so yes it’s okay if I am earning more than my husband.
For me ohh, I want him to just be disturbing me with calls – non stop – so when I see my phone I will see like 50 missed calls.
And on it went.
Later, as they volunteered to show me to my old dorm, Bluebell House, Room 5, I thought about who I became after I left Abuloma all those years ago. I wondered if at any point I ever shared some of the views on masculinity that they have now. Did I ever think that a man owns me once he has paid my bride price? Did I ever think that it was okay for your husband to slap or hit like some did? Was there ever a point when I thought that a man that was physically incapable of bearing his own children was not a man?
It’s been so long since I was 16 years old.
It has been so long Toyosi that you were 16!!! I remember being your bunk mate in junior dorm room 2?
This your journey I envy. Wish I was the one visiting Abuloma after all these years and hearing these girls talk. Did I even know what I wanted my hubby to be like? can’t remember but one thing I am sure of is that it is a lot different from what these girls reality is now (50 missed calls?) We did not even know there would be cell phones then!! I wonder what their reality would e 20 years down the lane/
Good job dear.
Dear Habiba,
Indeed. Mobile phones? It was all letters and S.W.A.L.K and “Dear Mr postman deliver d letter d faster d better” lol.
Thank you so much for taking the time to drop a comment – you will be happy to know that Abuloma is 100% the same – I was shocked at how well kept the school premises are. Not better not worse just exactly the same which is amazing considering the years that have passed.
Hope you and your family are well.
xx
Nice piece there Toyosi. The school had not always been that way until recently. Due to efforts of the old students association of different classes. However, more can still be done. Enjoy your road trip
So true I heard through the teachers actually that it’s through the efforts of the old girls that the school is in the amazing condition it’s in. It was really impressive I cannot lie – I must do my bit from now.
Thanks Beimote xxxx
Hi Toyosi, good job there. Pity we didn’t get to meet but glad you went to Abuloma and our bluebell room 5. There we committed some crimes no one would imagine. Remember Onome our assistant senior prefect and the Rose n Abel saga….I always laugh when I think of how gullible and naive we were back then. Wish you bliss in all your endeavours
Thanks Kaine.hahahahhaa oh yeah Rose and Able – gullibility of the highest order. I really wish we got to see each other but at least it was good to speak. Take care lovey, xxx
To-to-yo-yo-si-si,
I can’t help but remember the story behind this pronunciation of your name. I took one look at the first picture and something in me said, this has got to be Abuloma. What an inspiration you brought to those girls, hanging out with them, and talking about something I am sure they were glad to talk about.
Nice of your to bring back memories like this….
loolll. Thank you Chinatu – those really were the days! These girls really took me back. Carefree and naive, but it was good preparation for life right? Take care my dear xx